After he had fed the people, Jesus made the disciples get into a boat and precede him to the other side,
while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone.
Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore,
was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night,
he came toward them walking on the sea.
When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. "It is a ghost," they said, and they cried out in fear.
At once Jesus spoke to them, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid."
Peter said to him in reply, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."
He said, "Come."
Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught Peter,and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" After they got into the boat, the wind died down. Those who were in the boat did him homage, saying, "Truly, you are the Son of God."
Last week, I had this moment. I turned to my husband, Greg, and said, "What on earth am I doing? Who am I to be doing all of this creative work? I don't have a background in art or design or writing. Am I just a poser?" Without my realizing it, doubt had crept slowly into my heart as I diligently worked the past several months on all that is Creating To Love. In the blink of an eye, I felt absolutely paralyzed.
Doubt makes us believe we aren't worthy enough...doubt cancels our projects, our dreams, our goals...doubt prevents us from sharing our God-given talents with the world. Doubt tells us that we don't belong to a God of beauty, truth, and goodness.
And yet, doubt does not, can not, and will not halt our prayers. Perhaps, sometimes, doubt forces us to look beyond the comforts of our superficial successes to seek more deeply the only One who can save us and bring us into being most fully ourselves.
As I went to sleep that night, I frustratingly asked God, "Where are you in all of this?!"
The next morning, I read the daily Gospel (isn't God's word often so timely!) and heard Jesus say to Peter, and really, to me, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"
Jesus heard Peter's desperate plea and prayer for help, "Jesus, save me!" With arms of love, Jesus scooped Peter up out of that stormy sea of doubt and reminded him whose he was.
"Mary, why did you doubt?" I may not know what I'm doing most of the time (read that, all of the time, and honestly, who does?), but I do know that I want to set my eyes on my Creator and be reminded that I am creating to Love.
Today, let's pray for each other that we steady ourselves and focus on hearts on God in all of our endeavors!